Stella (starlightstella) wrote,
Stella
starlightstella

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Back-Track

On January 17, 2005 I made an journal entry    (something to live up to)....

 
... I feel this is a nice time to reflect.
 
 
 
I will see Interpol.  I did that.
I will stop smoking. I did not do that.
I will get my license. Steadily on my way to that.
I will discover new music.Thank you Kasy. Thank you Perry.
I will spend as much time as I can with the boy. (If He ever stops going to LA!!)  Done, I suppose.
I will read a book all the way through. 'The Perks Of Being A Wallflower'.
I will pay more attention to poor Sweeny. (He's eating his neck off again) Sweeny died.
I will write in a journal again. I have.
I will meet His mum. (i'm assured that she will like me). I did meet his mum, she's such a sweet and strange lady. I don't know if she likes me.
I will paint. I haven't painted.
I will wear the clothes from my downstairs closet that I've neglected for three years. I wore some.
I will give my mother a gift. Sadly, I haven't.
I will not lose my best friend. I did not.
I will make some new friends? I suppose I did... Most of them did not last.
I will learn some French. Blegh... I didn't do that... too lazy, I suppose.
I will buy a camera. My mum did.. and I'm the only one that uses it. I'm still waiting for my Canon Powershot G5.
I will drink more water. I love water.
I will make Him feel comfortable. I've learned that you can't make anyone feel comfortable... And he still seems uncomfortable, at times.
I will give Kasy her Christmas present before the year ends. Yeah, I did that.
I will not do theatre again. (perhaps next year) An Adult Evening With Shel Silverstein was the last show I did. Good place to stop, I feel.
***

I would also like to ride a train (I rode a bus, that's close enough), see snow (I'm waiting), buy a violin (le sigh), and go to Korea (hah, right)... but those things just seem a bit far-fetched at the moment (no shit)... So, I'll leave those for next year. (I no longer want to go to Korea... I would still like to ride a train... and I think a violin will come as soon as I have my whole "car situation" straightened out).
***

Yes, also, NEXT YEAR (2006)... I will spend New Year's with "Him"... (I've decided) (perhaps).
I'll drive us to LA for Christmas (because I WILL have a license (I certainly will), and my car in running condition by then (Done. My Ford Granada has now been replaced by Auddie Maximillia Bot (1986 BMW) and we'll visit our families and all that bullshit (can't want that. Perhaps his family, but not mine), and it will all be grand (I have it all here in my mind).
This feeling of being the only one who can't seem to hold a relationship together will be set aside (it still remains)... I won't feel like I'm on the outside (I still do). I won't feel completely overwhelmed with jealousy when others embrace (I don't so much anymore).



I do have this feeling that my libido will remain dormant. (eh).
He puts a pulse to my innocence. (He still does).

This is gonna' be a good year... Now that you're here.
 
 
I'll be 20-years-old in 41 days. Strange.
 
 

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