Stella (starlightstella) wrote,
Stella
starlightstella

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...We're All Gonna' Be Just Dirt In The Ground...

I find it pretty silly. I find it pretty sad.
How we let ourselves get carried away with the most ridiculous things.
There is an emotional uproar. There is a battle and a storm. Right over our heads, dear, it pounds.
I'm not phased.
I've come to expect it.

I've been ridiculous.
I've been hurt and I've been bitter. I've been all sorts of things.
I refuse to be those things now.


Overall, I am sorry in my way.
Only because I didn't see this coming sooner.

Overall, I know those are things I had to feel.
These are lessons I had to learn.





...Call me stupid, but I miss him. I don't hate him. I couldn't. I wouldn't.
I've read the hateful rants. I've felt that cold wall pressed right to my face.
I don't mind.
What I felt was something true. He was my friend.
That can't change. No matter how many awful lies are spouted out about me.







This is my first journal entry in a long time... it's rather vague, I realize.

I'm not happy.
I'm not sad.

I spent some time with my mother tonight.
That was a little overdue.
5:38am... and I wonder why I can't get up on time for work in the morning.
I've spent quite a bit of time staring.
Everything blurs, my knees start to ache...
Yet, I still can't pry myself away from dull consciousness.


The sun rises.
Sleep will clutter my eyes if I let it.
I'll start on that. I need to.


Abrupt end. Here it is, and there I go.
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and now that i've had time to settle down and collect myself. time enough even to evolve into what i believe to be a better person; in some ways i miss you as well. i just want you to know that when i think of our past i no longer dwell on the hurt. i no longer passively cope through self-imposed hatred. instead, i remember the many positive things that came of it all and keep those memories with me.

it didn't work, we both realized that but i don't regret having met you.